AJ Ericksen's Blog World

Observation About the Press and the Economy

2008-11-21T15:10:00.002-06:00

This entry from the Wall Street Journal's "Best of the Web Today" encapsulates much about what is wrong with the media:

"The CEOs of the big three automakers flew to the nation's capital [Tuesday] in private luxurious jets to make their case to Washington that the auto industry is running out of cash and needs $25 billion in taxpayer money to avoid bankruptcy," ABC News reports:

The CEOs of GM, Ford and Chrysler may have told Congress that they will likely go out of business without a bailout yet that has not stopped them from traveling in style, not even First Class is good enough.All three CEOs--Rick Wagoner of GM, Alan Mulally of Ford, and Robert Nardelli of Chrysler--exercised their perks Tuesday by flying in corporate jets to DC.

Reader Todd Green makes a good point in the CEOs' defense:

The real story is how journalism in this country is so incompetent when it comes to any stories that deal with economics, that the best they can come up with is a "gotcha" story about CEOs and corporate jets.

What is wrong with a company like GM having a private jet for executive business? If anything, this meeting in Washington is the most important one in the company's history. Its entire business future depends on it. If you are a GM employee, would you really want the CEO stuck in Cleveland and missing the hearing that might decide the fate of the company because he missed his connection on Continental?

This story goes beyond lunacy, because it is a glaring example of how journalism has failed to accurately report the things that were happening that caused the financial meltdown. The majority of the major stories seem to follow the same themes: exuberant corporate bonuses, corporate excess and the wacky things that corporate America does (AIG going to a spa). If the media did their job, we would be a lot more informed as to why we are in the situation we are in right now. I'm still waiting.

Don LaFontaine - R.I.P.

2008-09-02T13:36:00.002-06:00

Don LaFontaine, the man who did the voice over for just about every major movie trailer you have ever seen, has passed away. Going to movies will never be the same.

Fear Obama

2008-02-28T09:41:00.002-06:00

Like most associates in a large law firm, I like to see what is going on in the marketplace for lawyers. News of pay raises at other firms travels fast and immediately begs the question "When are we going to match?" -- after all, we are greedy.

Above the Law is a favorite site for news of this type. Well, there was a sobering post this week about the impact on the wallets of young professionals of Mr. Obama getting his way regarding Social Security taxes and the Bush tax cuts. It is pretty staggering. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Biofuels

2008-02-13T20:15:00.002-06:00

New studies published in Science explain how ethanol and other biofuels actually produce dramatically higher carbon emissions than traditional fuels. As The Wall Street Journal notes:

The ink is still moist on Capitol Hill's latest energy bill and, as if on cue, a scientific avalanche is demolishing its assumptions. To wit, trendy climate-change policies like ethanol and other biofuels are actually worse for the environment than fossil fuels. Then again, Washington's energy neuroses are more political than practical, so it's easy for the Solons and greens to ignore what would usually be called evidence.

The rebukes arrive via two new studies in Science, a peer-reviewed journal not known for right-wing proclivities. The first, by ecologists at Princeton and the Woods Hole Research Center, reviews the environmental consequences of increased biofuel consumption, which had never been examined comprehensively. Of course, that didn't stop Congress and the Bush Administration from jacking up the U.S. mandate to 36 billion gallons by 2022, a fivefold increase from a mere two years ago. Such policies are supposedly justified because corn-based ethanol and other "alternatives" result in (very modest) reductions in greenhouse-gas emissions when mixed with gasoline

It kind of reminds me of a classic New York Times Magazine piece "Recycling is Garbage":

Believing that there was no more room in landfills, Americans concluded that recycling was their only option. Their intentions were good and their conclusions seemed plausible. Recycling does sometimes makes sense -- for some materials in some places at some times. But the simplest and cheapest option is usually to bury garbage in an environmentally safe landfill. And since there's no shortage of landfill space (the crisis of 1987 was a false alarm), there's no reason to make recycling a legal or moral imperative. Mandatory recycling programs aren't good for posterity. They offer mainly short-term benefits to a few groups -- politicians, public relations consultants, environmental organizations, waste-handling corporations -- while diverting money from genuine social and environmental problems. Recycling may be the most wasteful activity in modern America: a waste of time and money, a waste of human and natural resources.

The Footpull

2008-01-26T22:40:00.000-06:00

Allow me to share with you, dear reader, an exciting invention I encountered at a Rudy's BBQ in Spring, Texas. When I saw it, it reminded me of a conversation Paul and I had in the men's room at Burgers Supreme in Provo, Utah:

Me: Damn, no more paper towels.
Paul: How will we ever [open the door and] get out?

Well a new device takes care of that -- the footpull:

It's so sweet and at a mere $50 (plus shipping), well, I'm tempted to get one for the house.

Peru

2008-01-03T20:58:00.000-06:00

Nobody likely reads this blog anymore, but for grins I am throwing up a new post.

In the week between Christmas and New Year, I went with a group of friends to hike in the Andes in Peru and visit Machu Picchu. We hiked for three days, reaching an altitude of 14,560 feet, and then went up to the ruins on the fourth morning. I'm not in good shape, so the hiking was good for me -- lost eight pounds.

Here are a couple of photos:

Our group at the ruins

Me and some locals

Staring down a llama

On a totally unrelated note, I'm listening to John Edwards deride corporate America for making money. What a douche bag!

iHandcuffs

2007-01-14T22:09:00.000-06:00

Randall Stross writes an interesting article in today's New York Times discussing why Apple adds its digital rights management software to iTunes downloads, even when the record label doesn't request it. In fact, most labels allow their songs to be downloaded from other pay sites in MP3 format without any DRM. Why does Apple do this?

[W]hen the same tracks are sold by the iTunes Music Store, Apple insists on attaching FairPlay copy protection that limits their use to only one portable player, the iPod. Terry McBride, Nettwerk’s chief executive, said that the artists initially required Apple to use copy protection, but that this was no longer the case. At this point, he said, copy protection serves only Apple’s interests .

Josh Bernoff, a principal analyst at Forrester Research, agreed, saying copy protection "just locks people into Apple." He said he had recently asked Apple when the company would remove copy protection and was told, "We see no need to do so."

Apple’s statement is a detailed treatise on the subject, compared with what I received when I asked the company last week whether it would offer tracks without copy protection if the publisher did not insist on it: the Apple spokesman took my query and never got back to me.

Prepare to Get Robbed

2006-12-27T22:56:00.000-06:00

It appears that Republicans, led by George Bush, will be willing accomplaces as Democrats and the AARP conspire to rob younger workers. Opinion Journal reports that many inside the GOP have indicated a willingness to increase the Social Security payroll tax cap from $94,200 to as much as $150,000 in order to get future benefit cuts. So to claim a legacy of saving a program not worth saving, Mr. Bush and company are willing to subject an additional $55,800 of my wages to the 12.4% payroll tax and simultaneously cutting my benefits.

But Opinion Journal really sums up what really bothers me:

But wouldn't this all be worth it if we could take those future, unfunded liabilities off the books? Only if you think a tax increase now is worth a promise to cut benefits later. No one serious thinks those benefits will be paid anyway, so why make young current workers pay twice for the sins of their fathers?

Such a tax hike-benefit cut compromise would only exacerbate the generational inequity of Social Security. The paramount scandal of Social Security is not its insolvency but rather its abysmally low rate of return for new workers. Even if the payroll tax were left alone and all promised benefits were eventually paid out to young workers, these workers would get a tiny real annual rate of return of 1% to 1.5% on average, according to a Cato Institute analysis. Even a risk-free government bond pays 3% to 4%.

I am so disgusted by paternalistic politicians who want to take my money to buy old people's votes. They think that me and millions of my contemporaries are so incredibly stupid that we couldn't provide for our own retirement if they would just keep their filthy hands off our money.

By simply keeping the roughly $3,000 per year that Congress wants to take from me and investing in an S&P 500 index fund, that money would grow to over $500,000 by the time I retire. Much better than an empty promise from that lout Uncle Sam.

Not a Fan of Notre Dame?

2006-10-26T12:29:00.000-06:00

Then you'll enjoy DJ Gallo's response on ESPN.com Page 2 to Charlie Weis' whining this week about how his perennially overrated Notre Dame team dropped in the polls after yet another near loss to a weak team. A sample:

Do you perhaps instruct your team to play poorly against poor competition to score "thrilling" points and keep the ratings up on NBC so Notre Dame can get another big TV contract so they can afford your overinflated contract? That must be the case, because you are the greatest coach ever. Everyone knows that. And there would be no other explanation as to why you lost to Michigan State last year, and almost again this year. And why you barely slipped by an awful Stanford team last November and a mediocre UCLA squad on Saturday.

Cheers!

Definition of Tough

2006-09-12T22:01:00.000-06:00

My brother Paul gave me a Chuck Norris DVD box set called "Fists of Steel" (in a steel box) for my birthday. The tagline on the cover boldly explains that "no mission is impossible for America's #1 action star." Who could resist the trifecta of the made-for-TV The President's Man and The President's Man 2 - A Line in the Sand (both directed by Chuck's talented son Eric) and Logan's War - Bound by Honor (written by Chuck himself)? Certainly not me.

But the real gem in this collector set is the included biography "Fists of Steel: The Story of America's #1 Action Star." Some excerpts:

He fought his first battle on March 10, 1940 when he entered the world as Carlos Ray Norris in the tiny community of Ryan, Oklahoma.
. . .
He appeared opposite Bruce Lee in Return of the Dragon in 1973 and though the two appeared to be friendly in public, they were actually highly competitive with each other, each believeing that he was the better fighter.
. . .
Following in the footsteps of his childhood idol John Wayne, he usually played good guys and preferred to showcase his fighting skills as purveyors of good rather than evil. He even turned down the lucrative role of Sensei John Kreese in The Karate Kid because he did not want his name to be associated wtih a cruel character.

Chuck Norris remained atop the box office through most of the decade but his kick lost some of its bite in the late '80s thanks to newcomers like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jean-Claude Van Damme and Steven Segal who slowly ate away at the action pie.

But perhaps even more precious is the trivia section:

1. Who sang the theme song to Walker, Texas Ranger?
a) Johnny Cash
b) Chuck Norris
c) Don Henley
d) Willie Nelson

Answer: B The voice behind the show's theme song is none other than its star.

14. Which candidate did Chuck Norris heavily campaign for in the 1998 U.S. presidential campaign?

Answer: Norris is a Republican who championed George Bush in the 1988 presidential race. Current president George W. Bush has stated that Chuck Norris is his favorite actor.

Grocery Fun

2006-08-11T13:32:00.000-06:00

Opinion Journal's Best of the Web today directs readers to the reviews for a gallon of milk on Amazon.com. Many of these reviews are hilarious. For example:

This milk saved my marriage!

Aliens had landed in the parking lot outside our apartment and were about to drag off my husband to do who knew what! I offered the aliens tall, cold, refreshing and delicious glasses of Tuscan Whole Milk and they completely forgot my husband, taking my fridge, instead.

Thank you Tuscan Whole Milk!

Or try this snottier one that is quoted by Opinion Journal:

One should not be intimidated by Tuscan Whole Milk. Nor should one prejudge, despite the fact that Tuscan is non-vintage and comes in such large containers. Do not be fooled: this is not a jug milk.

I always find it important to taste milk using high-quality stemware--this is milk deserving of something better than a Flintstones plastic tumbler. One should pour just a small dollop and swirl it in the glass--note the coating and look for clots or discoloration. And the color--it should be opaque, and very, very white.

Now, immerse your nose in the glass and take a whiff. Tuscan transports you instantly to scenic hill towns in central Italy (is that Montepulciano I detect?)--there is the loamy clay, the green grass of summer days, the towering cypress. And those gentle hints of Italian flowers--wild orchids, sunflowers, poppies. Then, one takes in the thick liquid and lets it roll across and under the tongue--what is that? perhaps a hint of a nutty Edam cheese?

With Tuscan, you feel the love of every dairyperson involved--from the somewhat sad and deranged farmhand shovelling steaming cowpies to the bored union milk maiden dreaming of leaving this soul crushing life behind for a job waiting tables for obnoxious American tourists in Siena.

But not too fast--sip gently, slowly, or one is in danger of not only missing the subtleties of the milk's texture and its terroir, but--if chilled too long--also of giving oneself a blinding ice cream headache. Nay, savor the goodness that only dairymen and dairywomen working at the apex of their craft can deliver.

Tuscan is best drunk young--no, no, don't cellar this gem--I guarantee you'll be sorry if you do. I recommend pairing with freshly baked macadamia nut scones. Milk Expectorator gives this one a 92.

Cheers!

Million to One Shot, Doc

2006-06-30T08:23:00.000-06:00

... million to one.

Steven Seagal Update

2006-06-27T17:49:00.000-06:00

This Übermensch not only kicks butt in (straight-to-TNT) movies but he also slays on the guitar, reports the Washington Post.

From the article (with perhaps a bit of sarcasm):

Slumping behind a folding table, the 55-year-old actor appears exhausted and a bit irritable -- perhaps because he slept only an hour the night before, then spent half the day stuck in traffic en route from a gig in Hagerstown before getting onstage to lead his touring band through nearly two hours of high-octane blues. He pounds the table with his left hand, which is roughly the size of a bear paw. He exhales. He looks at his watch. The line keeps moving.

"Your movies inspired me to go into martial arts," says another fan. Seagal nods again and signs again, this time writing his name on the cover of an "Under Siege" DVD.

"Is there going to be an 'Under Siege 3'?" ("I hope so," Seagal says softly. Scribbles on an 8-by-10 photo.)

"You're awesome! When's your next movie going to be in theaters?" ("Probably next year." T-shirt. Keep moving, please.)
* * *
If you really want to get Steven Seagal going, tell him he's no Russell Crowe -- or, for that matter, Don Johnson, Kevin Bacon or Keanu Reeves.

Dynastic Wealth

2006-06-27T10:24:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, every major new outlet reported on Warren Buffett's $31 billion gift to the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. Mr. Buffett and the Gateses gave a great hour-long interview with Charlie Rose on PBS last night that was very interesting. For example, it was heartening to note that "leakage" is very low in vaccine distributions in corrupt countries -- much lower than in projects such as developing infrastructure.

In this avalanche of news reports, I found this little gem from Mr. Buffett on welfare programs:

Nothing is more offensive to the American tradition of meritocracy, [Buffett] said, than rich men being able to pass on "dynastic wealth" and let their grandchildren determine the fates of hundreds of fellow Americans.

Jokingly asking if he had left anyone insulted, he described how offended he was when he heard rich Americans at country clubs describe their feeling that giving welfare to poor people keeps them in poverty "while they are trying to leave their children a more-than-lifetime-supply of food stamps and are substituting a trust officer for a welfare officer."

Regarding inheritances, Mr. Buffett has also been much quoted over the years as saying that he would give his children enough money to do anything but not enough to do nothing.

An Intimate Look at Steven Seagal

2006-06-10T14:15:00.000-06:00

From Jared Bloom's Still Kicking: The Very Authorized Biography of Steven Seagal, published in McSweeney's, check out how Hard to Kill was made:

Two days later, Steven received a phone call from his agent, Joe Powers, who was raving about a script he had found earlier that morning in Bruce Willis's trash. It was the story of Mason Storm, a renegade cop who emerges from a coma seven years after discovering an attempted murder plot against a Senate candidate and exacts revenge by killing people and sexing up Kelly LeBrock.

"I like it," Steven said as he slid a green-tea popsicle across his lips. "Politics is very popular right now." And with Congress making laws in Washington at that very moment, he was absolutely right.

Hard to Kill has always been one of my favorite action movies -- Seagal at his very best. Not only does it feature Seagal escaping from a hospital by pushing his bed through the halls with a stick after waking up from several years in a coma, but then he delivers a training sequence before taking on the bad guys that rivals Rocky for overall awesomeness. He even breaks from his mold as the celebate monk and gets the girl -- then wife Kelly LeBrock. Perhaps the most celebrated performance of the greatest action star of his era in his prime. Add it to your library today.

Terrifying Hypothetical

2006-05-22T19:57:00.000-06:00

For Feinman, who whines that I don't post to the blog anymore, here is something that will keep you from having a good night's sleep for a few days from the Sports Guy's mailbag:

Q: In college, my friends and I (all straight males) had an ongoing conversation about which NBA player we'd have sex with if held at gunpoint (I guess we got sick of talking about the girls at school). I always went with Steve Smith. Our friend Adam, in one of the most bizarre and disturbing acts of imagination I've ever witnessed, chose Larry Johnson. I still shudder at that one. Are you man enough to give us your pick? Or at the very least, your criteria for making such a decision, purely hypothetically, of course.
-- Butterfront, Brooklyn, N.Y.

SG: What school did you attend, the University of Riker's Island? For comedy's sake, I was going to pick Steve Nash because he's so unselfish, but forget that [AJE: at this point, I almost spit out my Diet Coke laughing]-- I vote for the bullet in the head. More importantly, where did Butterfront go to college? I always thought my buddy Bish went to college with the ugliest girls -- let's just say it was a NESCAC school -- where the guys actually got drunk BEFORE they went out so they could have the beer goggles going before they even started talking to anyone. But Butterfront's college has to take the crown, right? Can you imagine being so bored with the girls in your college, you felt the need to start a "which NBA player would you have sex with at gunpoint" conversation one night? Shouldn't we only be having that conversation about WNBA players?

And WNBA players can be pretty scary, too. I'm reminded of something I once heard a pretty scary looking guy say: "I'm afraid of any man who can make Serena Williams feel like a woman."

Women's Basketball

2006-03-23T12:42:00.000-06:00

If you think the women's game is lame, enjoy Jason Whitlock's "Women shouldn't be dunking" on ESPN.com. Excerpt:

"Jase, what you continue to fail to realize is that women don't really want to hear the truth. The key to a relationship is telling them what they want to hear and celebrating the dumb stuff they do as a virtue."

Well, I guess that explains why, when Parker laid the ball in the basket and grabbed the rim afterward twice in Tennessee's rout of Army in the NCAA Tournament, it was hailed as man-walking-on-the-moon news in the sports world. Parker was the first woman to (almost) dunk twice in a college game.

What's next? First women's hooper to cover her entire body in prison tattoos? WNBA players investigated for running up huge tabs in the champagne room of the Gold Club? Sue Bird strangles her coach at practice? Lisa Leslie attacks beer-tossing empty seat, sparks nasty melee between players and bored arena ushers?

*****

Right now the women's game receives guilt-based media attention, or hype for its stupid human tricks (Hey, look at Candace; she can almost dunk like an eighth-grade boy).

Bumper Sticker

2006-02-15T12:59:00.000-06:00

[Thanks, Mark]

Brokeback to the Future

2006-02-07T17:56:00.000-06:00

It often seems too easy to make jokes about a gay-cowboy movie. But this spoof does a superb job of perverting the relationship between Marty McFly and Doc Brown. Enjoy!

[Thanks Murph.]

Bill Simmons on "Brokeback":

Q: I read that Elton John had a bachelor party. Is this the only bachelor party in history that it would be OK to decline the invitation to? Can you think of anyone's bachelor party that you would want to go to less than Elton John's?
-- Mike Bell, Baltimore

SG: No. I really can't. But you did get me thinking -- the best bachelor party would be the one for Jake Gyllenhaal, just because he'd be so desperate to preserve street cred and shake the "Brokeback Mountain" thing that everyone would end up participating in some mammoth hooker orgy or something. That should be a contest on ESPN.com when he gets engaged: "You and a friend can win a chance to attend Jake Gyllenhaal's bachelor party!"

Grass Greener?

2005-12-30T18:27:00.000-06:00

Enjoy this video from your friends at Budweiser.

2005 in Review

2005-12-29T22:34:00.000-06:00

I have been asked, and not just by myself, Why no blog posts of late? For lack of a better answer, I've been kind of busy I suppose. Most people seem to do top-five or top-ten lists. But since I'm kind of tired, let me give a list of top-twos for the year from a few categories.

Movies
1. The Squid and the Whale: Unfortunately, this masterpiece is only in a handful of top-notch theaters and will likely never make it into the mainstream on DVD. Brilliantly written and directed by Noah Baumbach, Wes Anderson's co-writer for the underappreciated The Life Aquatic, the film tells the story of the breakup of a pair of self-obsessed New York intellectuals through the eyes of their teenage son. It has everything you need in a movie -- great dialogue, subtle and wonderful performances (think Bill Murray, i.e. it gets funnier as you find yet another hidden comic gem), and even a Baldwin! Watch this movie.

2. Grizzly Man: This documentary from German filmmaker Werner Herzog tells the story of a failed actor/recovering druggie who, demonstrating clear lunacy, lives among Alaskan grizzly bears as their protector. Spoiler -- the bears eat him. It is funny to contrast his hippie friends and the locals. My favorite is when a Wilford Brimley lookalike brustles, "He got what he deserved." It is funny and sad, my favorite combination.

Television
1. The Office (American version): Holy balls, this show is funny. Most British material doesn't translate very well on this side of the Atlantic. This is the exception that proves the rule. Steve Carell is good, but the supporting cast is the real star. I think the American show may even be better. At any rate, the American receptionist is infinitely cuter.

2. Family Guy: Kudos to Fox for bringing back a show that was simply ahead of its time. Less political than South Park (whose look at Katrina and Rita was arguably the best satire of the year), Family Guy is an unending smorgasbord of pop culture references upon which any nerd can feast.

[Arrested Development might also be No. 2, but I didn't see enough episodes this year. Honorable mention: Alec Baldwin's spoof of Glengarry Glen Ross with Santa's elves on SNL. Nobody is a better host than Alec Baldwin.]

Books
1. Freakonomics by Steven D. Levitt & Stephen J. Dubner: An economist and a journalist teamed up to write a book that explores lots of modern myths. It is thought provoking and very readable. Plus, it will give you lots of fodder for cocktail party conversations.

2. Texas Law Review Manual on Usage & Style: A reference book, sure. But I did a lot of the editing on the damn thing and think the results are quite good.

Music
1. Kanye West's "Gold Digger": This song is what the Germans would call an earworm -- you can't get it out of your head (like Kylie Minogue's videos but not her music). I don't like hip hop, but it was such a good song that I actually paid for a legal download.

2. John Prine: Though not new by any stretch of the imagine, he stole the show for me at this year's Austin City Limits Festival. A friend of mine described him thusly -- "Think of Robert Earl Keen, but totally uncool, ugly and actually talented."

Sworn In

2005-11-13T20:30:00.000-06:00

Here are my dad, my brother Paul and Rick, and I at my swearing in. I am a handsome devil.

Relief

2005-11-03T22:37:00.000-06:00

It is difficult to describe the huge sigh of relief I felt seeing that I passed the bar exam. And so glad, too, that none of my "peeps" or coworkers failed. That would be really uncomfortable, and sad for them.

New Niece

2005-11-02T21:37:00.000-06:00

My brother and his wife had a new baby girl last week. Here are some pictures.

Barkley on the NBA Dress Code

2005-10-21T08:20:00.000-06:00

On Leno (I don't watch him. I read it on ESPN.), Charles Barkley made perhaps the best statement in favor of the new NBA dress code:

Young black kids dress like NBA players. Unfortunately, they don't get paid like NBA players. So when they go out in the real world, what they wear is held against them.

See, these players make $10 million to $15 million a year, so nobody cares how they dress. But regular black kids go out into the real world and how they dress is held against them.

If a well-dressed white kid and a black kid wearing a do-rag and throwback jersey came to me in a job interview, I'd hire the white kid. That's reality. That's the No. 1 reason I support the dress code.

Of course, as I write this I am observing an extremely rare casual morning at the office -- jeans, button-down, and a blazer -- observed only by a handful of associates who are (1) going on a retreat this afternoon, (2) not meeting with clients this morning, and (3) not uncomfortable walking around the office that way. I'm a bit uncomfortable like this, so I'm keeping a low profile.

High Style

2005-10-17T14:18:00.000-06:00

If you like to wear pants, you may want to look for some like these.

[Thanks Murphy]

George Bush - Kayne West

2005-10-04T12:20:00.000-06:00

From the Galveston County News, Letters to the Editor October 1, 2005:

Why Look Further For Blame?

I got stuck in traffic for 16 hours and only traveled 55 miles because George Bush doesn’t care about white people.

Jimmy Bohn
Galveston

[Thanks Virginia]

Poet Laureate

2005-09-25T16:11:00.000-06:00

From Patrick (9th grade) in my friend's class:

My refusal to explain was the much needed spark to ignite the leaking car that was our relationship.

Texas Exodous IV

2005-09-23T11:35:00.000-06:00

In all it took 14 1/2 hours to make what is normally a little under 3. In front of the Shell station by Virginia's house, my fuel gauge's empty light went on; it was a small miracle to run that long on only 3/4 of a tank. If I'd had any idea how bad the drive would be, we'd never have left the house.

But it's nice to be in Austin now (especially not in a car). Things in Austin are refreshingly normal: the radio stations all are playing music, people are going to work, kids are in school.

I hear the same politicians who assured people it was better to drive (and that they'd arrive at their destinations) are now asking people who live along those routes to invite stranded motorists into their homes.
What a mess! At least my loved ones and I seem out of the woods. But when will the roads be clear enough to drive back. I'm not dumb enough to make that drive twice.

Texas Exodous III

2005-09-22T14:25:00.000-06:00

We just hit the I-10 contra-flow. Speeds in the mid-40s. Yes!

Texas Exodous II

2005-09-22T11:03:00.000-06:00

We've been rolling alongside two carloads of missionaries for over an hour. It's hot and we're not running A/C, so when I talked to them I was readily identifiable as LDS by my T-shirt. They're sweet kids, but a bit clueless. They asked me for the latest news and I was flabbergasted to discover they hadn't switched on the radios in their Malibus. Stunning.

Currently, we've gone ~37 miles in 6.5 hours. Gas is still over 1/2 tank.

Texas Exodous

2005-09-22T07:44:00.000-06:00

Ah I-10 to Austin. I've never been in such an enormous caravan of strangers. I feel like the Joads in Grapes of Wrath. It's good that Paul is with me. Traffic is a parking lot, but the biggest concern is fuel. If we get to 1/2 tank of gas before things get moving, we'll likely turn around and ride it out. I'm just grateful that Hilda II isn't one of the cars on the side of the road.

We've gone about 4 miles in the last 70 minutes. Luckily we made a lot of ground on Memorial Drive. Hope (and expect) Rick's family will be okaym but I'm sure his wife is anxious.

Hoping to make it to beautiful Austin.

Dispatch from the Astrodome

2005-09-01T23:45:00.000-06:00

Paul and I were at a UH football game at Reliant Stadium when we saw the long line of buses outside the neighboring Astrodome, each one delivering fifty or so refugees from New Orleans. Feeling compelled to do what we could, we walked over and asked a series of volunteers how we could enlist in the cause. When we arrived on the far side of the arena, Red Cross people were checking in on the right and Methodists on the left. Since the line on the left was a bit shorter, Paul and I decided we would be Methodists, too, and we got nametags that read St. Luke’s Methodist Church.

Once inside, we encountered a scene that pictures could never do justice and a stench that probably pales in comparison to the abandoned Superdome. The enormous playing field was covered by a sea cots, blankets, and newly homeless people—almost exclusively poor and black, many of whom were old and sick. To the right, volunteers distributed clothing and blankets; to the left, the sick sought treatment. On the mezzanine level, the sandwiches and pizza had already run out but plenty of apples, oranges, and Fritos remained.

People held up signs, searching for their loved ones. Paul saw a lost and found for children. Many of the sickest people were borne in on stretchers. I hope I never live to see that kind of suffering again in my life.

Paul and I were instructed to wait off to the side for someone to put us to work. As we stood, a woman en route to the medics stumbled with the awkward box she carried with her. I picked up her load and walked with her to the nurses. Her name was Elaine, and she had an untreated hairline fracture in her right ankle, she said.

When I returned to where Paul waited, we were given a “delicate” assignment: Retrieve borrowed wheelchairs from the people who were just sitting in them or storing their belongings on them so that more people could be taken from the buses to the Dome.

We immediately set ourselves to the task. People’s responses varied greatly. Some folks were just using the chairs like shopping carts, others as walkers, and others just lounged about. A few were even walking around near their chairs, not in any real need of more than a cane. Often these people refused to part with the loaner chair, even when told there weren’t any to bring people in from the buses.

But then there were people who were too kind—who gave me their own chairs. I didn’t understand them when they said the chairs were “theirs.” I assumed they meant mine in the sense that they decided to keep the chairs. In desperate times, people start to horde scarce resources. So I told them I would bring them a chair when they needed one later. Well, it turns out that two of the chairs really did belong to the people who gave them to me; I just didn’t understand them when they let me take them. Thankfully, I don’t have to deal with the poor and poorly educated very often, because I clearly don’t understand them very well.

I can’t remember a time in my life when I have felt worse than I did tonight upon realizing that I had taken the wheelchairs of two old ladies who had just lost everything in the world. With Paul’s help, I set out to find the chairs, which were coincidentally both black with a missing right footrest. It was the proverbial needle in a haystack. We tried to make our way to the receiving area to find the chairs, but walking against the crowd of exhausted, filthy, and desperate masses was very much like trying to swim up the Mississippi. In the end, I found some donated chairs (one pretty nice, the other not so), gave them to the ladies, and hope and pray that somehow the real chairs are found.

And we saw a lot of other things, strange and terrible. A man named Adrian asked me to get him pain medication. He told me he an addict going through withdrawal and showed me the track marks in his forearms. I directed him to the treatment area, but he wouldn’t go. No, he wanted me to get him some drugs. He tried to tell me what he needed and in frustration I said, “Look, I don’t know anything at all about that kind of stuff. I’m a lawyer.” Another mistake. Immediately, all the young men around me perked up and asked if I was state appointed and if I had a business card. I walked away very quickly.

Paul found himself at one point around the mental health area. An old, nearly blind woman was eating coffee grounds. He also saw a boy around 16 beating a girl about 8 or 9 years old. It was a scary place to be; you certainly felt better near the police. And yet it was nowhere near what you hear about in New Orleans. We didn’t see any screening, but we hoped that people were being searched for weapons before being let into the stadium.

Some people didn’t seem to understand that another volunteer named Mike and I were just volunteers. He demanded that we get a prescription filled for him. We told him to go the medical area, but he refused us and accused us of being “totally unprofessional.” Another woman told me she was thirsty and couldn’t walk well, so I ran off to get her some water. When I returned with a bottle of water, she was put off that I didn’t get her Sprite (which was nowhere in sight).

And yet other things gave us hope. Many of the people seemed to be taking things in stride. As we walked between the rows of cots in search of more unused wheelchairs, the kids would read our nametags and tease us or each other. A man asked me for directions to an address he written down; he had worked at a Papa John’s before and said he called the local one and thought he’d found a job. Life rolls on, and poor folks—God bless them—are proven survivors.

Science Fair

2005-08-19T06:57:00.000-06:00

This morning I happened upon a little Engineering Project that looked really fun. It seemed very Hepworth-esque to me, like shooting eggs from a fence.

Wasting Time

2005-08-15T20:53:00.000-06:00

Now that I have some free time, here are a few time waster videos:

Urban Ninja
Man Rides Motorcycle into Bus
Couch Racing
Mattress Girl
Pogo Stick Accident

My Grandma

2005-08-04T21:57:00.000-06:00

My grandmother passed away this Monday at age 78. Her Obituary offers a glimpse at the very full life she lived.

The Prancing Ponies

2005-08-03T21:46:00.000-06:00

Today a classmate of mine and I got taken by our former boss to look at his cars. The man owns eleven Ferraris and is currently shopping for a 360 and a 328, but he hasn't even driven several of the ones he already owns. Unfortunately, he didn't feel like taking them for a drive today either.

So the best I could do was sit in them and dream. I was a little surprised how close the accelerator and brake pedal are, how small the driver's footwell is generally, how stiff the clutch is, and how much strength it takes to move the shifter through the beautiful metal gates.

Below are a few pictures with some of the cars.

-Me with a 456GT-

-Testarossa, 308, 456GT-

-355 Spyder-

Not pictured are his 348tb (white), 348 Spyder (yellow), two more 308's (both red), two Mondials (red spyder, white coupe), and a 400i (blue). In all, a pretty nice little stable of cars.

If I hadn't mentioned it before, let me state that I would like to be rich when I grow up.

Dark Humor

2005-08-02T17:00:00.000-06:00

Check out this VW Spoof Ad if you like jokes about small cars, terrorists, or both.

[Thanks Mark]

Summary of Recent Events

2005-07-22T13:20:00.000-06:00

BAR EXAM STUDY BREAK: Returning from lunch, I found myself on the elevator with a classmate who is also in the last stages of preparing for the exam, too. Every conversation with anyone studying in the last couple weeks has been the same, so most people just remain silent. Out of nowhere, he blurted out, almost Tourette's like, a single sentence that summarizes all of my anxieties at this stage--"I just forget shit, man."

How I Feel About the Bar Exam

2005-07-18T13:08:00.000-06:00

Crime & Punishment

2005-07-14T13:10:00.000-06:00

BAR EXAM STUDY BREAK: Commenting on the small slap on the wrist given to the German teen reponsible for last year's Sasser worm, John Tierney provides some suggestions about tailoring the punishment to fit the crime.

For shoebomber Richard Reid:

He ought to spend his days within smelling range of all those socks at the airport. In an exclusive poll I once conducted among fellow passengers, I found that 80 percent favored forcing Mr. Reid to sit next to the metal detector, helping small children put their sneakers back on.

For spammers:

[They] could be sentenced to community service testing all their own wares. The number of organ-enlargement offers would decline if a spammer thought he'd have to appear in a public-service television commercial explaining that he'd tried them all and they just didn't work for him.

For hackers:

Make the hacker spend 16 hours a day fielding help-desk inquiries in an AOL chat room for computer novices. Force him to do this with a user name at least as uncool as KoolDude and to work on a vintage IBM PC with a 2400-baud dial-up connection. Most painful of all for any geek, make him use Windows 95 for the rest of his life.

The (Modern) Hardy Boys

2005-07-07T14:53:00.000-06:00

BAR EXAM STUDY BREAK: If you were a fan of The Hardy Boys Series as a lad, you will doubtless get a chuckle now from This Piece from today's McSweeney's. It is a rejection letter from the publisher concerning a Hardy Boys' manuscript for The Case of the Secret Meth Lab. Some highlights:

Page 42: While it is important to end each chapter with a cliffhanger, we don't think Joe pacing outside the bathroom door while his girlfriend, Callie, uses a First Response pregnancy test is consistent with the Hardy Boys formula. And he certainly shouldn't be muttering under his breath about doubts that it's even his.

And for the Nancy Drew fans:

Page 60: We encourage including Nancy Drew in the adventure as it represents great cross-marketing with our other adventure series. We would think it goes without saying, however, that she would not have, nor even contemplate, surgical enhancement. Please delete all references to her "killer rack."

Establishment Clause in A Nutshell

2005-06-28T15:14:00.000-06:00

George Will discusses the context in which the First Amendment was written, the incoherence of the recent Ten Commandments cases, and then provides the only opinion the Court should render in such cases:

"Because the display on public grounds does not do what the establishment clause was written to prevent -- does not impose a state-sponsored creed or significantly advantage or disadvantage one sect or sects -- the display is constitutional."

Why Mr. Will is not the most-quoted columnist in America continues to baffle me.

Cruise Kills Oprah

2005-06-25T22:50:00.000-06:00

Tom Cruise gets even crazier. Check out him Killing Oprah with his Scientology powers.

Update: Time has a Scientology collection, excerpts from articles on the cult going back to the 1950s. Here are a few of my favorites:

. . . Hubbard was once a successful science-fiction writer. In 1949, he seemed to predict his own future in a jocular speech to a convention of fellow authors: "Writing for a penny a word is ridiculous. If a man really wanted to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion." (1976)

. . . Scientology is a religion that sees life as a relentless struggle to erase painful mental images (called 'engrams' in the cult's jargon) that block a person from achieving his full potential and that may accumulate through his successive incarnations. Hubbard has insisted that he lived through a series of incarnations and that he was in fact 74 trillion years old. (1983)

Michael Jackson's Jubilation

2005-06-20T13:37:00.000-06:00

A little stale already, I admit, but here is a nice blurb from The Onion on MJ:

Enchanted By Own
Innocence, Michael
Jackson Molests Self

Kudos

2005-06-15T22:19:00.000-06:00

My little brother, a true Cinderella story got accepted at the University of Houston. So now I get to do something I always wanted to do: live with Paul at college. So what if it's a little late and I'm already done with all my schooling! It's all very exciting.

Tom Cruise: Gay? Crazy?

2005-06-14T12:44:00.000-06:00

Lots of rumors always surround a star of Tom Cruise's magnitude. Some say he's gay; others say he's "a nutjob." Well, recent (and safe for work) videos may cast some doubt on both of those rumors.

Is he gay? Judge for yourself.

Is he a nutjob Scientologist? He just cares about you.

[Thanks Micah]

Something Different: A Feel-Good Story

2005-06-13T13:51:00.000-06:00

Like all human beings, there is a special place in my heart for handicapped kids who overcome great odds. Add sports to the mix and emotions run even higher.

Here then is the wonderful story of Ryan Belflower, an autistic boy from California, who put in years of work as a ballboy, earned an honorary spot on the varsity basketball team, and in Rudy fashion, hit a shot in the last game of the season before a huge crowd chanting his name.

It's a bit of a deviation from my typical posts, but if you are looking for a feel-good piece of news you won't be disappointed.

[Thanks Rick]

Old News: Bush vs. Kerry

2005-06-07T15:09:00.000-06:00

For my readers who don't periodically visit the Drudge Report, I call attention to this Boston Globe report on Kerry's Yale transcripts. It reveals that John was also a C student, with a cumulative average slightly lower than W's.

The Constitution

2005-06-01T18:24:00.000-06:00

A friend of mine pointed me to a Wall Street Journal editorial written by one of our former professors (reproduced Here).

Instead of imposing term limits on federal judges like the ancient Sandy O'Connor or Bill Rehnquist, the author proposes an amendment that would confine the words "due process" and "equal protection" in the Fourteenth Amendment to their original meaning -- no racial discrimination -- instead of "empty vessels into which they [the Supreme Court justices] can pour any meaning." It's interesting.

Making the Best of Things

2005-06-01T13:36:00.000-06:00

For Brian Nash, who complained that visits to my blog are a waste of time if I don't update it, Here is a cautionary tale from Croatia. For those to lazy to click the link, here are the highlights:

A best man and a new bride were having relations in a bathroom at her wedding.

The couple were trapped together by a muscle spasm after a friend of the groom walked in on them as they had sex in the toilets.

Unable to be pulled apart, the couple had to endure a procession of wedding guests who came to see what they had been doing before doctors could turn up.

Unable to help, they had to transport the pair on a stretcher to the local hospital where she was given an injection to relax her muscles, allowing the best man to get free.

Happily, the groom continued the party, now in celebration of his divorce.

The moral of this story is, Don't marry a tramp, or, alternatively, Don't trust your friends?

Consumer Debt & Utah

2005-05-18T23:00:00.000-06:00

For Sorens (who explained to me that Utahns feel compelled to drive nice, new cars and live in big houses because since Brigham Young they have equated wealth with righteousness), I call attention to a recent Wall Street Journal Article. My friend Stephanie pointed it out to me Tuesday because it so appalled her.

I was flabbergasted that a guy making $13/hr could rack up $30,000 in credit-card debt and that he even believed he could keep up with the Joneses when the Joneses are working professionals.

Perhaps most astounding is that the median monthly mortgage payment is 45.3% of the average worker's monthly income, the fourth-highest percentage in the U.S. And Utah is a pretty cheap place to live. It is almost beyond comprehension. I often wondered how so many people could afford new homes there when so many jobs were low-paying hourly gigs; well it turns out they can't.

Little Person News

2005-05-17T13:10:00.000-06:00

According to the BBC, there is a Cambodian Midget Fighting League (CMFL). In a recent fight, CMFL members squared off against an African lion--bad call. The lion mutilated all 42 fighters, killing 28, during the 12 minute fight.

Two points: (1) cock-fighting doesn't sound that cruel anymore, and (2) neither does Fox's exploitative disaster "The Littlest Groom."

[Thanks Murphy]

It's Over

2005-05-07T10:37:00.000-06:00

About 15 minutes ago, I walked out of my final final exam of law school. Did I do well? It is hard to say. Do I really care? No. Worst case scenario (I guess a C+), my GPA drops 0.03 points.

As a plus, the bookstore bought back my book for $45.50.

Quote of the Day

2005-05-01T20:06:00.000-06:00

Charles Munger's (of Berkshire Hathaway) Comment on the huge pension liabilities at GM applies equally well to Social Security and many personal situations:

Some people seem to think there's no trouble just because it hasn't happened yet. If you jump out the window at the 42nd floor and you're still doing fine as you pass the 27th floor, that doesn't mean you don't have a serious problem. I would want to address the problem right now. They'd better face it.

A Festivus Miracle!

2005-04-30T00:03:00.000-06:00

I couldn't believe it when I saw it. But on the editorial page of the New York Times this morning I found what seems like some praise for Bush's stance on Social Security reform and some criticism for Democrats clinging to a system that doesn't work:

It's true, as Democrats love to point out, that the poverty rate among the elderly has declined from 35 percent a half-century ago to 10 percent today. But when you consider how much money is being taken out of Americans' paychecks - most workers now pay more to Social Security than to the I.R.S. - you're entitled to wonder why there are any poor widows remaining.

As a poverty-fighting program, Social Security is woefully inefficient because most of the money goes to people who aren't poor. It would take just 20 percent of what Social Security dispenses to move every elderly American out of poverty . . . .

T-Shirts

2005-04-29T09:18:00.000-06:00

I saw this shirt in the back of Rolling Stone.

Why People Seem Dumber

2005-04-28T23:57:00.000-06:00

Apparently, British researchers have found that IQ drops for people constantly bombarded with IM, text messages, and email. No wonder every teenage girl seems borderline retarded.

[Thanks Stephanie.]

Free Aimee Mann Download

2005-04-20T00:28:00.000-06:00

You can currently download a free, legal copy of "She Really Wants You" from Aimee Mann's forthcoming album The Forgotten Arm at Amazon.com. It's pretty good. I heard another track, "Little Bombs," on the radio the other night; I downloaded from iTunes (with a free download from a Pepsi cap), and it's even better. As always, I'm happy to hear new stuff from Aimee Mann.

Lance Armstrong

2005-04-18T15:13:00.000-06:00

Lance Armstrong has announced his Retirement. If only his fans would now retire their damn yellow bracelets!

News from the Trailer Park

2005-04-18T07:17:00.000-06:00

Who knew they had Southern-style rednecks in Minnesota? Check out This Video from the Minneapolis NBC affiliate.

[Thanks Micah for this gem]

Judicial Term Limits

2005-04-11T18:42:00.000-06:00

Last weekend, legal scholars convened at Duke Law School to discuss an Amendment to the Constitution that would change judicial terms of office from "for good behavior [read: life]" to 18 years. It is a good idea, and long overdue. Judges, especially the Supreme Court, are geriatric tyrants; turnover would be nice.

Poll

2005-04-10T21:23:00.000-06:00

My dad sent me a couple of old pics recently. Do you think I should go for another beard?

Rocket Man

2005-04-08T17:14:00.000-06:00

Last September, I told you about William Shatner's inspired rendition of "Rocket Man." Well, the important follow up to that is Stewie's rendition from Family Guy. Watch it Here.

[Thanks Micah for finding this clip.]

SBC/Yahoo DSL Sucks

2005-04-05T22:41:00.000-06:00

SBC Global is the worst company. Because they are incompetent, they block all outgoing email except through their awful sbcglobal.net. I look forward to shifting to RoadRunner or some other company as soon as I can.

Because they don't know how to manage spam, they have blocked my mail ports. Read about it Here.

RUN FROM SBC'S DSL SERVICE LIKE THE PLAGUE.

What is --- ?

2005-04-05T20:44:00.000-06:00

I am trying out for Jeopardy tomorrow morning in Houston. Please, for me, cross your fingers, etc.

Update (6 April): The tryout ended up being quite fun. I arrived to a lobby full of nerds--If there were any X-Files questions, I would have been toast. We waited for 15 or 20 minutes before getting in. I found a pretty cute blonde in line in a grey suit with a Louis Vuitton purse and tried to chat her up. "Sure is a geeky looking crowd," I said. She laughed.

Then we headed into a large conference room. In all, there were about 110 people. The Jeopardy folks gave their spiel about the game, and then the test commenced.

There were 50 fill-in-the-blank questions; you had to write your answer within 8 seconds of Johnny Gilbert's voice finishing the question.

And then the grading began. I continued talking to the blonde, a lawyer working for a federal judge. When I'm not trying to hook up with them, I'm pretty good with women. The Tao of Steve, I guess.

When the answer sheets were checked, only 5 people passed. And wouldn't you know it, yours truly was among them. Then we 5 participated in a mock game, complete with interviews. A lawyer, a paralegal, a cable salesman, a homemaker, and I comprised the group. They were all nice folks, but I think I had more personality. I didn't, however, use my pat answer for what I would do with the money--What is hookers and cocaine?--but I was still pretty funny.

Anyway, the result is that I'm now "in the file" for the next year and may be called for a taping. So please continue crossing those fingers.

First to Fail

2005-04-04T10:22:00.000-06:00

Major League Baseball has issued the first suspension for a positive steroid test--a nobody centerfielder for the Tigers. Could the player, Alex Sanchez, be a mere sacrificial lamb to appease Congress, the only people who seem to care about how exciting baseball has been during the last ten years? No star will ever get caught because anybody making that kind of money who has even half a brain can get the undetectable designer drugs used in the NFL.

Google Gulp

2005-04-01T18:16:00.000-06:00

How would somebody savvy enough to drink Google Gulp react to the to Apple iProduct Torry highlighted last week?

Clubbing Baby Seals

2005-03-30T12:28:00.000-06:00

It's that time of year again. Time to cull the seal pups.

A Baptism

2005-03-26T10:18:00.000-06:00

Like the Hilda I before her, the interior of the Hilda II underwent a baptism by Dr Pepper this morning. Sadly, I performed the ordinance whilst cleaning the inner vessel. In order to Armor All the center console (at 9 am), I went to move my can of Dr Pepper to the cupholder in the door. Well, from Armor All-ing the dash, my hands were slippery. Thus, the nearly full can slipped and generously christened the driver's footwell. Thankfully, none of the delicious sugary beverage went into the CD player as was the case with Hilda I.

Bedside Manner

2005-03-24T00:17:00.000-06:00

A doctor friend of mine told me about the following conversation between a colleague of his and a Mexican patient, conducted through an interpreter:

Doctor: What seems to be the problem?
Interpreter: Asks the woman
Woman: Something in Spanish (probably spoken quickly and excitedly)
I: She says that the baby won't latch on to her breast and drink the milk.
D: [Without pausing] Tell her the reason is her milk tastes bad because she's a bad mother.
I: [Stares at doctor in disbelief and confusion]

Disturbing Hard Drive Report

2005-03-21T11:10:00.000-06:00

Sitting in the library and staring out the window at a powerful rain storm, my first thought was that I needed to be listening to Led Zeppelin's "When the Levee Breaks":

If it keeps on rainin, levees goin to break,
When the levee breaks Ill have no place to stay.

Well, I was shocked to discover that I didn't have it on my hard drive and that, more baffling, I have no Led Zeppelin on my computer at all. Unbelievable.

Hard-Core Televangelism

2005-03-21T09:46:00.000-06:00

Catherine, a woman with an uncanny knack for finding the bizzare, forwarded this Video of televangelist Gene Scott asking demanding $250K in donations. The swearing is bleeped out, but it is still probably not the best clip for the office.

It may seem to you that he swears too much (for a preacher), but as he explains, "I know what God will damn, and I'm well within the stream of His will, and that ain't cussin'." Enjoy.

Google News, Mormons, and Mitt Romney

2005-03-19T00:34:00.000-06:00

I was testing the new customization options in Google News and created a "Mormons" section. In it, I found this interesting gem. The Boston Phoenix carries a long discussion about the political and organizational skills (and their affluence and generosity) and how those things could win the Presidency for Mitt Romney.

For example, two Mormon professors (one at "The B" and one at Notre Dame) estimate that if church-going American adult members gave an average of $100, then Romeny would have an immediate $100M war chest. Furthermore, our missionary zeal could translate into a much more impressive door-to-door force than the Deaniacs of '04.

Then, showing just the kind of unofficial support we may expect for Romeny, an AP Story marking the 10th anniversary of the current iteration of the First Presidency concludes:

When asked if America is ready to elect a Latter-day Saint as U.S. president - whether in the person of Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney (whose name often has been mentioned) or another candidate - [President James E. Faust] said that many believed years ago that American voters would never elect a Catholic, which changed with John F. Kennedy's election.

Abortion & Scott Peterson

2005-03-18T17:01:00.000-06:00

Yesterday's Opinion Journal provides this food for thought:

And Fetus Makes Three
"A California judge Wednesday sentenced Scott Peterson to die by lethal injection for killing his pregnant wife and her fetus," CNN reports. Have antichoice fanatics taken over CNN? Everyone knows it's impossible to "kill" a "fetus"; the correct terminology is "exercised a woman's right to choose."

Making matters even more confusing, the Washington Post says Peterson killed "his eight-months-pregnant wife, Laci, and their unborn son," while the Associated Press describes the victim(s) as "his pregnant wife, Laci, and her unborn fetus."

Here's a thought: Can we start saying Peterson was sentenced to "abortion" rather than "death"? Maybe that will hasten the process.

New Look

2005-03-17T00:43:00.000-06:00

I always liked my fishbowl page, but changed it anyway. Why? Because it never looked as good on Mozilla Firefox (which I have now fully embraced) as it did on Internet Explorer. I hope you like it.

Le Commode Car

2005-03-14T15:36:00.000-06:00

This weekend I made a whirlwind loop from Austin to Dallas, then to Houston, and back. Near my brother's house in Spring, Texas, I spotted a man flying through the neighborhood on a homemade car that words couldn't do justice.

Fortunately, I had been at a wedding the previous day and had my camera in the glove compartment. Camera in hand, my brother Paul and I sped after him in Hilda II and asked him to pose with his vehicle. Behold!

Note that he even has a copy of Street Trucks magazine in the rack on the side.

Escape from Neverland

2005-03-05T18:10:00.000-06:00

Enjoy the Escape from Neverland Game. Be sure to get to at least Level 4 to break into "Thriller" mode.

Thanks, Joe.

Hello Goodbye

2005-03-04T14:13:00.000-06:00

Today I parted company with my first car Hilda, the first car I ever owned. She was old and tired like her namesake, my great grandmother. But similarly she survived (and continues to live, I guess) for over 159,000 miles.

Hilda in her splendor

Like grandma, who wore a wig in her later years, Hilda was losing it up top

And some of her internals weren't great either

159,753.3 miles of good times

But with the goodbye came a hello--to Hilda II, a beautiful '03 Accord EX V-6.

Welcoming Hilda II

Something a little younger and sexier

With inner beauty, too

The two of us are looking forward to many happy miles together.

New Revolutionary

2005-03-01T18:16:00.000-06:00

Corey Feldman:

"Footprints"

2005-02-28T14:16:00.000-06:00

A variation on the classically cheesy poem "Footprints" from McSweeney's. Note the last two lines:

A man was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand.

Yet he also noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. This always happened at the very lowest times of his life.

The man questioned the Lord, "Why did you abandon me when I truly needed you?"

And the Lord smiled down on the man, saying, "During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

To which the man replied, "No, you can see the little Nike swoosh right there, look closer."

And the Lord said, "Oh. OK, I was floating."

Barry "Big-Headed Cheater" Bonds

2005-02-28T09:02:00.000-06:00

Here is a great Rant about Barry Bond's cheating.

A Flattering Invitation

2005-02-25T21:13:00.000-06:00

Somehow the creepy scientists at the venerable Fairfax Cryobank found out about my genetic superiority and, in their wisdom, extended me via U.S. Mail a written invitation to donate the product of my loins in their Dixie cups. I felt truly honored. Here are, I'm not making this up, some excerpts from their kind letter:

Fairfax Cryobank ... is looking for healthy, college educated, ethnically diverse men between ... 18 and 39 to assist infertile couples by becoming anonymous sperm donors. ... The service you can provide as a sperm donor is significant and greatly appreciated.

There is truly an urgent need for donors who are willing to assist those who are desperate to have children but unable to do so without the generosity of gamete donation.

If accepted into the confidential donor program, you will be compensated for each acceptable specimen you produce. Current donors ... are earning an average of $200 per specimen.

As you know, I have been thinking about a part-time job. Like all legitimate scientists, they provided me a Yahoo! email address to contact them. Feel free to register their address -- austincryo@yahoo.com -- for any mailings you desire.

Steroids and Sports

2005-02-25T15:47:00.000-06:00

In his piece entitled "Everybody Knows Jose", writer Jason Roeder presents a sampling of insider perspectives into Canseco's tell-all book. Among them, this gem:

"I heard that everyone called this guy 'the Chemist,' so I assumed it was because he was some brilliant scientist. This guy couldn't figure out a juice box, let alone an organic-reaction mechanism, and he gave me this stuff that made me grow sideburns during my final exam."
—Brenda King, MIT alumna

Women

2005-02-12T13:09:00.000-06:00

Weekly World News reports that what women want in a man depends on where they are in their menstral cycle. During PMS, the Tasmanian researcher noted:

If a woman is suffering from what is commonly known as PMS, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors jammed in his temple and a bat shoved up his ass while he is on fire. "We're not sure what to make of this one," says Chachi.

Social Security

2005-02-11T15:26:00.000-06:00

Robert Samuelson makes a strong case for why the government should "Cut [His] Benefits". He exposes the fallacy that the elderly are largely poor and unable to get by without Social Security, and thus, he argues benefits should be cut now.

Some facts:
1. Because they have no children to support, although household income is lower, per capita income is higher among seniors 65 to 74 than people younger than 44.

2. Because of Medicare, more seniors are insured than young people (99% vs. 82%).

3. Three-fourths have paid off their mortgages; 3/4ths of younger workers have mortgages.

The result is that through Social Security, "Younger and poorer taxpayers are supporting older and wealthier retirees." Go to any casino or cruise ship and you will see that the program is not a safety net but a retirement subsidy.

But what do politicians do?

In principle, both liberals and conservatives should oppose this -- liberals because the growing costs of the elderly make it harder to help than anyone else; conservatives because these costs are the main engine of enlarged government. In practice, both keep quiet.

FDR is dead and so are the reasons that justified Social Security. Kudos to President Bush for at least opening the debate. Let's see if Congress actually does something right, even if hard.

Smoke Detectors

2005-02-09T14:58:00.000-06:00

Having lived in my apartment for 7 months, I finally used the oven this afternoon. Because I'm on kind of a health kick these days and I had the whole day off, I figured it would be nice to bake some salmon, which was on sale at the store.

The trouble is that (1) some residue of oven cleaner remained and (2) the smoke detector is perched on the 12 foot ceiling. I also have no broom or long stick, so when the alarm pealed out I could only try to swat it with a jacket until it shut off. I don't belong in the kitchen.

It is also nice to watch MSNBC's Natalie Morales.

Tips for Men with Lead Feet

2005-02-08T09:02:00.000-06:00

Weekly World News provides helpful advice for speeders: tips on talking female cops out of tickets. For example:

DON'T be afraid to flirt shamelessly. "You're one hot copper!" and "Are you wearing a thong under that uniform? Let me see!" are perfectly appropriate comments, says [a California State Trooper].

My Nightmare

2005-02-07T13:02:00.000-06:00

Jim Caple's latest column, "The Worst Event Ever" provides a nice summary of a Wing-Eating Contest in Philadelphia. It is foul. More disturbing, however, is that I now know that there is a mayonnaise eating contest, too. I hate mayonnaise.

According to Food Eating Contests & Records, Oleg Zhornitskiy ate four 32-ounce bowls of mayonnaise in eight minutes.

I'm going to go vomit now.

Star Wars Fashions

2005-02-04T18:10:00.000-06:00

According to krautboy, "Women will get sterile just looking at you."

I'm sure you will enjoy this site.

[Thanks Murphy]

Overlooked Mailbag Item

2005-02-01T17:37:00.000-06:00

Torry mentioned the Sports Guy's mailbag wish for a feature allowing you to send players into the stands--a great idea.

But this even cooler Fantasy was overlooked:

Q: Is there a recorded instance of someone playing Golden Tee at a bar and then picking up a girl from the same bar on the same night?
--Michael R, Richmond, VA

SG: Good question. Sadly, the Elias Sports Bureau doesn't keep track of something like this, although they cover just about everything else. In fact, after Mark Blount's historic triple-zero last week -- 0 points, 0 rebounds and 0 blocks in 22 minutes -- I e-mailed Rob Tracy at Elias and asked if that was a record for centers. Within two minutes, Rob e-mailed me back saying that Greg Foster submitted a quintuple-zero (0's for points, rebounds, assists, steals and blocks) in 23 minutes back in 1999.

So that got me thinking: Wouldn't it be nice to have Elias covering your entire life? Like, you could be sitting around one day thinking, "What was the name of that girl who made out with me at Chuck LaPosta's wedding back in 1994?", and then Elias would scurry off to find the girl's name, plus give you the cup sizes of every girl you ever hooked up with at every wedding, along with the average cup size numbers for you and all your friends? And this would happen in like 3 minutes? Maybe some day.

Speaking of which, will there be any hot chicks at the Sorenson wedding?

Gay-dar

2005-01-29T23:04:00.000-06:00

Weekly World News, your source for top-notch journalism, has a list of telltale signs that someone you know is becoming gay.

Of course, the obvious ones are there: liking Cher and Broadway musicals; enjoying Will & Grace, Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica; and home decorating.

But the last bulletpoint was the funniest--remember who reads the Weekly World News:

Being caught staring at, talking to, touching, kissing, or having sex with a member of the same sex.

(Emphasis added)

Beer's Virtues

2005-01-28T16:17:00.000-06:00

According to Ananova, a Slovak man, fueled by 30L beer peed his way out of an avalanche.

Poker Night

2005-01-20T22:46:00.000-06:00

At long last, I finally had a good night of poker. A little more than $50 was won in one game of Mexican Sweat with Baseball Rules. Several rainouts lead to a very large pot in this nickels, dimes, and quarters game.

Strange Amazon Gems

2005-01-18T21:29:00.000-06:00

I watched Ken Burns's superb documentary Unforgivable Blackness: The Rise and Fall of Jack Johnson on PBS tonight. One of the examples cited of the racism in America around WW I was D.W. Griffith's The Birth of a Nation. For the ignorant, that was the 1915 silent film, an Academy Award winner for Best Picture, that with its racist propaganda revitalized the Klan. At a screening at the White House with the entire cabinet and Supreme Court (the Chief Justice himself a Klansman), President Wilson called it "history written in lightning."

Anyway, wanting to learn a bit more about that film, I headed online. When looking for a copy of it, I stumbled on this ironic gem of a review:

***** A D.W. Griffith Joint, November 24, 2004
Reviewer: Pink Orpheus

Word. Dis film is da bomb yo. It's slammin' got plenny of comedie, actshun, and even some steemy seenes. If you lyke your movees long and HOT like Bad boyz II this is Da [...]!

Also I reckamend the movees 'Eight Mile' 'The South Park Movie' and 'Team America'

God Bless America!!!!! GO MARINES!

Great!

On an entirely unrelated note, I just heard about this book today, which I will need to buy soon -- English as She is Spoke. The summary from The Collins Library:

In 1855, Jose da Fonseca and Pedro Carolino sat down to write an English phrasebook for Portuguese students. There was just one problem: they didn't know English. Even worse, they didn't own an English-to-Portuguese dictionary. What they did have, though, was a Portuguese-to-French dictionary and a French-to-English dictionary. Perhaps the worst foreign phrasebook ever written, the resulting linguistic train wreck was first published in 1855 and became a classic of unintentional humor. Armed with Fonseca and Carolino's guide, a Portuguese traveler could complain about his writing implements ("This pen are good for notting"), insult a barber ("What news tell me? all hairs dresser are newsmonger"), complain about the orchestra ("It is a noise which to cleave the head"), go hunting ("Let aim it! let make fire him!"), and consult a handy selection of truly mystifying Idiotisms and Proverbs ("Nothing some money nothing of Swiss.") Mark Twain, prefacing an American edition, marveled of its "miraculous stupidities" that "Nobody can add to the absurdity of this book, nobody can imitate it successfully, nobody can hope to produce its fellow; it is perfect."

Tasteless Joke of the Day

2005-01-14T13:01:00.000-06:00

Q: What time is bedtime at Neverland Ranch?

A: When the big hand touches the little hand.

Mind Bullets

2005-01-10T16:02:00.000-06:00

The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid: Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Is slpeling ipmorantt?

Yes, it is (as are punctuation and grammar) you twerps on IM.

[Thanks Catherine]

Vision Test

2005-01-05T18:41:00.000-06:00

Gentlemen, try this Eye Chart to test your vision. Your health is this important. To correct any problems, This is one new alternative to laser surgery.

Clarence Thomas for Chief Justice

2005-01-05T17:50:00.000-06:00

Weekly World News -- your source for truth -- reports that Clarence Thomas is a mole for black-power groups. Apparently, like the Manchurian Candidate, he is just waiting to be activated. This is the agenda:

FULL reparations for slavery, in the form of all cotton in the United States.
RENAME every Robert E. Lee School after Harriet Tubman, a heroine of the underground railroad.
INSTITUTE an affirmative action program to recruit black athletes into professional hockey.
BAN white rappers like Eminem from the airwaves.

If only the liberals who so decry him knew this.

Red Letter Day

2004-12-29T19:42:00.000-06:00

I admit that this is not the manliest subject for a blog post, but to me this news warrants mentioning.

Long ago, Gap stopped selling its "baggy fit" jeans. They are the best, most comfortable denim I've ever found. The awful "boot cut" and "loose" (which is not loose but just not as tight as the other fits) can never replace them. What joy then when I found some at Gap Online today. Plus, they were on sale with free shipping and I Googled to find a coupon for an additional 10% off. This is killer.