AJ Ericksen's Blog World

Saturday, January 29

Gay-dar

Weekly World News, your source for top-notch journalism, has a list of telltale signs that someone you know is becoming gay.

Of course, the obvious ones are there: liking Cher and Broadway musicals; enjoying Will & Grace, Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica; and home decorating.

But the last bulletpoint was the funniest--remember who reads the Weekly World News:
Being caught staring at, talking to, touching, kissing, or having sex with a member of the same sex.
(Emphasis added)

Friday, January 28

Beer's Virtues

According to Ananova, a Slovak man, fueled by 30L beer peed his way out of an avalanche.

Thursday, January 20

Poker Night

At long last, I finally had a good night of poker. A little more than $50 was won in one game of Mexican Sweat with Baseball Rules. Several rainouts lead to a very large pot in this nickels, dimes, and quarters game.

Tuesday, January 18

Strange Amazon Gems

I watched Ken Burns's superb documentary Unforgivable Blackness: The Rise and Fall of Jack Johnson on PBS tonight. One of the examples cited of the racism in America around WW I was D.W. Griffith's The Birth of a Nation. For the ignorant, that was the 1915 silent film, an Academy Award winner for Best Picture, that with its racist propaganda revitalized the Klan. At a screening at the White House with the entire cabinet and Supreme Court (the Chief Justice himself a Klansman), President Wilson called it "history written in lightning."

Anyway, wanting to learn a bit more about that film, I headed online. When looking for a copy of it, I stumbled on this ironic gem of a review:
***** A D.W. Griffith Joint, November 24, 2004
Reviewer: Pink Orpheus

Word. Dis film is da bomb yo. It's slammin' got plenny of comedie, actshun, and even some steemy seenes. If you lyke your movees long and HOT like Bad boyz II this is Da [...]!

Also I reckamend the movees 'Eight Mile' 'The South Park Movie' and 'Team America'

God Bless America!!!!! GO MARINES!
Great!

On an entirely unrelated note, I just heard about this book today, which I will need to buy soon -- English as She is Spoke. The summary from The Collins Library:
In 1855, Jose da Fonseca and Pedro Carolino sat down to write an English phrasebook for Portuguese students. There was just one problem: they didn't know English. Even worse, they didn't own an English-to-Portuguese dictionary. What they did have, though, was a Portuguese-to-French dictionary and a French-to-English dictionary. Perhaps the worst foreign phrasebook ever written, the resulting linguistic train wreck was first published in 1855 and became a classic of unintentional humor. Armed with Fonseca and Carolino's guide, a Portuguese traveler could complain about his writing implements ("This pen are good for notting"), insult a barber ("What news tell me? all hairs dresser are newsmonger"), complain about the orchestra ("It is a noise which to cleave the head"), go hunting ("Let aim it! let make fire him!"), and consult a handy selection of truly mystifying Idiotisms and Proverbs ("Nothing some money nothing of Swiss.") Mark Twain, prefacing an American edition, marveled of its "miraculous stupidities" that "Nobody can add to the absurdity of this book, nobody can imitate it successfully, nobody can hope to produce its fellow; it is perfect."

Friday, January 14

Tasteless Joke of the Day

Q: What time is bedtime at Neverland Ranch?

A: When the big hand touches the little hand.

Monday, January 10

Mind Bullets

The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid: Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Is slpeling ipmorantt?

Yes, it is (as are punctuation and grammar) you twerps on IM.

[Thanks Catherine]

Wednesday, January 5

Vision Test

Gentlemen, try this Eye Chart to test your vision. Your health is this important. To correct any problems, This is one new alternative to laser surgery.

Clarence Thomas for Chief Justice

Weekly World News -- your source for truth -- reports that Clarence Thomas is a mole for black-power groups. Apparently, like the Manchurian Candidate, he is just waiting to be activated. This is the agenda:
FULL reparations for slavery, in the form of all cotton in the United States.
RENAME every Robert E. Lee School after Harriet Tubman, a heroine of the underground railroad.
INSTITUTE an affirmative action program to recruit black athletes into professional hockey.
BAN white rappers like Eminem from the airwaves.
If only the liberals who so decry him knew this.