AJ Ericksen's Blog World

Thursday, December 9

Job Hunt: Day 27

Before you do anything else, read this Piece by Jon Fitch on McSweeney's. It is the ultimate guide to job interviewing. Behold this sample:
Where do I see myself when? In five years? Well, I suppose I see myself in a big room somewhere. Light filters in through the bulletproof glass of the skylights. I'm wearing a cape and a mask. Women in leotards are kneeling at my feet and making purring noises. A dwarf with a lute prances around the room playing "Greensleeves" over and over. Two donkeys stand sullenly in the corner. On shelves along the wall are rows and rows of jars. In the jars are the ashes of everyone that has ever crossed me. Every hour on the hour, an albino in a leather jumpsuit enters the room, walks over to the shelves, and picks out a jar. Next, he empties the ashes from the jar into a bowl of donkey chow, stirs the two together, and then feeds the mixture to the donkeys. Every time the donkeys move their bowels, I shout, "Ha! Look at you now. You crossed me and now you're donkey crap! You're freaking donkey crap! How does it feel, huh? HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE A BIG, STEAMING PILE OF DONKEY CRAP?" Yeah. On reflection, I suppose that's where I see myself in five years.


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