AJ Ericksen's Blog World

Monday, June 28

Rushmore

So, I saw Napoleon Dynamite the other night. Although good, all I could think is, "This in no Rushmore." When I got home from dinner tonight, my roommate was watching the Wes Anderson classic. Anyway, let me reproduct this Gem:
dear max,
I am sorry to say that I have secretly found out... That mr. Blume is having an affair with miss cross.

My first suspicions came when I saw them frenching in front of her house, And then I knew for sure when they went skinny-dipping in mr. Blume's swimming pool, Giving each other hand jobs while you were taking a nap on the front porch.

Why am I telling you this now? Because you're such a good friend. Take care, pal.

Fondly,
dirk calloway.

New Job

My new job is nice. The office I have is a little bigger and has a beautiful view of my old office.

Saturday, June 26

Michael Moore Hates America

View the Trailer.

Ouch!

I'm not making this bizzare fact up. The July-August 2004 issue of mental_floss reports at page 41:
[T]he Huichol Indian trive of Mexico believed that Dad should share in the pain experienced by his wife during childbirth. A woman in labor would lie in a hut, while her husband sat in the rafters above her. [Prepare to wince.] A rope was tied around his testicles, and when his wife felt a painful contraction, she would tug at the rope so that he could join in the "experience."
Savage.

Thursday, June 24

Yikes

I mentioned today in an exit interview that I would actually like to see what it's like to put in a late night to get a deal done. Well, be careful what you wish for. I'm at work, having just finished one task, and waiting for another.

In case anybody was wondering, being in the office at midnight is about as fun as it sounds. On the plus side, I did leave for a while at 6:30 and put on jeans and flip flops at home.

More Evidence that AOL Blows

According to The Smoking Gun, an AOL employee has been charged with stealing the company's entire subscriber list and selling it to a Las Vegas spammer who promotes online gambling and "herbal penile enlargement pills." The employee and the buyer have been charged in a federal district court in New York.

Wednesday, June 23

More Sports Guy

On trading Shaq to the Mavericks, this pit almost made me spit Dr Pepper:
One more thing: Who would love Dallas more than Shaq? He could become a bigger local hero than Emmitt Smith and J.R. Ewing combined. He could wear goofy cowboy hats and giant belt buckles, purchase some huge $50 million ranch, force his posse members to steer bulls, bust The Benefactor's chops whenever possible, dunk on Shawn Bradley in practice every day ... you're telling me he wouldn't be happy as hell out there? He might shoot 70 percent on that team. And having Kobe, Shaq, T-Mac, KG and Duncan on contenders next season -- along with LeBron, Carmelo and Dwyane -- could lead to the league's most exciting season since 1993. I'm giddy.
That's right, I'm having a slow afternoon at the office.

Eloquent Summary of Steve Francis

Bill Simmons says:
Assuming he ends up in Orlando, that certainly fulfills his destiny of becoming a Franchise Guy on a 30-win team, doesn't it? The entire Steve Borderline Franchise experience was on display in the playoffs, when he couldn't quite take advantage of the fact that nobody on the Lakers could guard him. Story of his career. And yes, he turns 28 in February.

Put it this way: If you were playing pickup hoops, would YOU want to play with him? You can only imagine how poor Yao felt. You can almost hear him complaining to his translator, "My diminutive teammate has been dribbling too much, like a stray dog who won't stop digging for a hole."

Pest Control Pests

This "News in Brief" item from The Onion prompts a story, which I will relate after reproducing the news item:
Power-Crazed Orkin Man Burns House To Ground

ESTES PARK, CO-Neighbors and loved ones joined the former residents of 22 Everglade Pass Monday to marvel at the still-smoldering remains of the house razed by Orkin exterminator Zach Knight. "I called Orkin and told them we had ants," former homeowner Bill Danby said. "Twenty minutes later, a guy in a red polo shirt and a mask knocked on the door, told us to get out of the house, and said we should take our most precious belongings. Minutes later, we smelled smoke." That night, Danby received a phone call from an anonymous party, who warned him that "the Orkin man will be back" to perform a follow-up inspection of the property Thursday.
So here's the story. Sunday, I was sitting behind a few of the "bug boys" who descend like an Old Testament swarm of locusts on areas throughout the South every year. It's a miserable job, and we locals resent them. My ward has more than it's share of these types, usually well into their mid-20s and still plugging along in the business program at "BYU-Idaho," a name which still makes me have to stop and think before realizing they're not referring to my alma mater.

Anyway, one of them was leaning forward in his pew, propped up on his elbows and trying to ignore the speaker. And here's the rub: his buddy was tracing letters or a picture or something on his back. Sure, my mom used to scratch my back in church, and I have often seen chicks touching each other or playing with one another's hair. But these were two guys. My gay-dar went off instantly. Needless to say, notes were passed and silent laughs uttered by me and my people.

To tie this little story in with the news item above, I recount the dialogue I had with Susan, who was sitting next to me during the meeting:
SHE: Did you see what he was writing?
ME: No. I couldn't get past the simple queerness of it all.
SHE: I'm pretty sure he was spelling Orkin.

Mormon News

The Deseret News reports that Church President Gordon Hinckley will receive the Presidential Medal of Freedom during a ceremony at the White House on his 94th birthday.

Vote for George W. Bush because John Kerry is a, for lack of a more apt description, douche bag!

Tuesday, June 22

Left-Wing Garbage

This ad is so perfect for The New York Times:

They probably run the ad for free.

Another Coup for Houston?

Let's all hope the Deal to get rid of Steve "Never Passes" Francis for Tracy McGrady goes through. The Lakers are dead, so perhaps it's time for the Rockets to return to glory.

Thursday, June 17

My Summer at V&E

Photos are now available of my office, New Orleans (at least what I got before my camera batteries gave out), and best of all the firm trip to the Texas Motor Speedway.

Monday, June 14

Real Estate in Office Space

As I mentioned in a previous Post, I have an office right by the break room at work--which means I drink a lot of free Dr Pepper during the day. Naturally, this leads to frequent Pitstops. I was lamenting this fact when a colleague explained to me what the true crappy location is: next to the women's restroom.

You see, nobody likes to be seen leaving the restroom. And the discomfort is on both ends. The woman doesn't want you to know that she was just doing something unpleasant. And the man has the impossible task of donning an expression that says, "No, I didn't notice that you went to the bathroom for the fifth time today."

Sunday, June 13

Isn't It Beautiful

... to watch the Lakers lose.

Thursday, June 10

Must See TV

Damn straight, yours truly will likely appear in an audience shot when tomorrow's episode of Last Call with Carson Daly airs on your local NBC affiliate. Tune in or tape it.

Wednesday, June 9

This is Just Wrong

From the June 9th issue of The Onion:



Reagan's Body Dies

Hating on SUVs

Normally, I'm not a fan of anything French (fries and toast, aside). But I think that their new Proposal to ban SUVs on Parisian streets is pretty interesting.

Monday, June 7

Re Ronald Reagan

George Will writes of An Optimist's Legacy.

Sunday, June 6

No, I am a Moron

Torry claims to be a moron. But I am the bigger idiot. I cite two examples from yesterday:

1. I wanted some Diet Dr Pepper, which in itself is kind of weak. Instead, I grabbed caffeine-free Diet Dr Pepper. So I'm a total pansy.

2. Much worse: I bought a beard trimmer a couple months ago when I had a full beard. Now I use it to trim my sideburns. Standing in front of the mirror, shirtless, trimming my sideburns, I noticed that my chest hair was thicker on the right pect than on the left. Since I had the clippers in my hand and I am a moron, I thought, "What the hell, I'll just even this out."

Of course, I never got it quite right. But I kept trying. In the end, I had shaved myself clean. Shit, I thought, I look like a 15 year old.

So anyway, I am a moron.

Friday, June 4

Report from New Orleans

As mentioned in yesterday's Post, I made a little trip up to New Orleans. The official reason was that we wanted to entertain a potential client. However, the trip was mostly for fun. We got checked in at the Hotel, where we were all upgraded to junior suites, and then proceeded to hit the town. After hitting a couple of bars, we made our way to Harrah's for some gambling. The minimums on the blackjack were $15, so I just played some cheap video poker.

Then we went Clancy's, an awesome but out-of-way restaurant. On the long cab ride through some very crappy areas near the river, I thought for sure the cab driver was going to park somewhere dark and kill us. It was one of the best meals of my life; the fried oysters covered with Brie were incredible.

So we decided to hit Bourbon Street. I have never seen more strip joints in such a small area. Thankfully, the recruiting office made several phone calls to the attorneys I was with beforehand to pound into them that they were not to take any of the summer associates for lap dances.

Walking through the Quarter was very much like John Kennedy Toole's classic A Confederacy of Dunces. Each time I saw a Lucky Dogs hot dog cart, I thought of the protagonist Ignatius J. Reilly and smiled.

At 3 am, they kicked us out of Pat O's. We started walking back to the hotel but then we stumbled upon an awesome Gypsy cab. It was an enormous, late-70s, cream-colored Cadillac Fleetwood playing soft, smooth jazz.

The lawyers all turned in, but we summer guys went back to the casino. Blackjack was back down to $10 minimums, so I played a bit. I quickly went up $50, but in the end lost $80. One of the guys in our group was particularly drunk and kept getting swatted by the dealer for touching his chips after the deal and touching his cards (both verboten).

Breakfast at 11 and lunch at noon were both at Mother's, which has awesome seafood gumbo. It was an order-at-the-counter, soup-Nazi type joint. I don't think a single employee has all his or her teeth.

All in all, a good time.

Oh No!

News from the music world.

[Note: I am being deliberately ironic.]

Thursday, June 3

Good Times

This afternoon I'm headed to New Orleans for the first time. It's a little client development boondoggle in the Big Easy - great food, nice hotel in the French Quarter, etc. Understandably, I'm pretty excited.

Tuesday, June 1

Literary News

David Sedaris has a new book out, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim. I just picked up a copy.