AJ Ericksen's Blog World

Friday, December 26

Keyboard Comment

I hate keyboards. like the one I'm now typing on, that have a small "Backspace" key to make room for a ridiculously oversized "Enter" key. I spit on them.

Monday, December 22

Brett Favre

Brett Favre remains a total stud and one of the most-exciting QBs to watch. Now he out playing on Monday night, even though his father died just yesterday. And he is tearing it up. 139 yard passing in just the first quarter. Unbelieveable.

P.S. - I know I've got this nasty paper looming over my head, but I just needed a quick Monday Night Football break. And since my computer is still in my lap, I'm sort of working.

Sabbatical

Because I'll be working on a paper (or really should be) today and tomorrow, and because the following two weeks I'll be at my dad's where Internet access is dial up (on AOL -- even worse), blogging will be pretty infrequent for a while.

I you are already well into your vacation, I hate you.

Sunday, December 21

Broadway Joe

Joe Namath, slurring from booze to the point of embarrassment, tells the sidelines reporter, "I want to kiss you."

Awesome.

[Thanks Riekert.]

Al Gore's Son Arrested for Pot Possession

Al Gore III arrested in Maryland for weed. The report says he was driving a Cadillac. I just wonder if it was an Escalade and wheter he had any tricked out rims. And what Tipper thought.

Saturday, December 20

Study Update

So, I've been trying to write my seminar paper today. To do it, I slept late, met a friend for lunch, cleaned house, watched The Shawshank Redemption on DVD, took a nap, made dinner, and then sat down at my computer with a huge stack of articles. And I've now cranked out almost 2 whole pages (of 30).

It was exhausting.

Now, I just turned on the tube, and, lo and behold, SNL is showing a Best of Will Ferrell episode. How am I supposed to get anything done? Sigh...

Does anybody want to write my paper for me? Please.

Making A Trailer From An Apartment

Joe, my roommate, has fashioned a Rug from sample carpet squares and duct tape. So now, our living room is floored wall to wall with luxurious carpet swatches.

This is the kind of creativity that can only happen between semesters.

Friday, December 19

Reflections

'Tis sweet to be finished with another semester of exams. Still, I wonder how I did. Often I'm concerned though when I think an exam is really easy and other people say it was tricky. Whatever. At least it's done.

Wednesday, December 17

Promised Post

An important Contribution to the body of American poetry.

Favorite Seinfeld Moment

Tonight's rerun episode has one of the most brilliant scenes of all time, Kramer playing a person with gonorrhea:

Student: Okay, any other pain?

Kramer: The haunting memories of lost love. May I? (signals to Mickey)
Lights? (Mickey turns down the lights and Kramer lights a cigar)
Our eyes met across the crowded hat store. I, a customer, and she a coquettish haberdasher. Oh, I pursued and she withdrew, then she pursued and I withdrew, and so we danced. I burned for her, much like the burning during urination that I would experience soon afterwards.

Student: Gonorrhea?!

Kramer: Gonorrhea!

Source

Fun Sports Fiction

Rob Ryder argues on ESPN's Page2 that Danny Ainge is the greatest athlete of all time -- greater even than Michael Jordan.

Cat in the Hat Reviewed

From the Dallas Observer:

Such a remarkable rift between its charming source material and its heinous cinematic realization that the producers may as well have skipped the hassle of securing licensing rights and simply called this mess Mike Myers: Asshole in Fur.

[Thanks Torry.]

Tuesday, December 16

Yes, I Know This is Old News Now

Strom Thurmond was a racist, a segregationist, and a dirty old man. With the announcement of his out-of-wedlock black daughter, we now see that the late senator was also an enormous hypocrite.

We Got Him

US Forces have captured Saddam Hussein. And now you can, Too. Makes a great stocking stuffer.

Monday, December 15

Help Bring Roger Clemens to the 'Stros

Vote on an appropriate enticement for the Rocket.

Don't Mess With Me

Last week, the Coke machine ate my dollar. It is one of those new-fangled vending contrivances that drops the drink onto a conveyor belt that delivers your beverage standing up. When it works, it is pretty neat. When it doesn't, it's just another machine that pisses you off.

So, being a concerned citizen, I tore a sheet from my legal pad, wrote "Out of Order" on it, and hung it from the coin return button because I didn't have any tape. Well, it fell off or some miscreant removed it. In any event, it wasn't there this afternoon.

Naturally, I assumed the problem had been remedied. But I was wrong, and my error cost me another dead president.

This time, however, I was not going to let my warning go unheeded. Did I call the company? you ask. No. Did I look for tape to put a note up? No. Instead, I stole a thumbtack from the bulletin board and in a caffeine-deprived rage drove it into the smooth plastic of the machine. That "Broken" sign ain't going nowhere.

In short, when I don't have my Dr Pepper, ya'll best step off!

Sunday, December 14

Exciting New Post to Come

I'm in the library waiting for my class notes to print out, so I figure I'd throw up a quick post.

Recently, a love poem (that's high in unintentional humor content) has come into the possession of a friend of mine I'll call Muck. I have had a chance to read it, and, I must say, it's fantastic. Of course, it is even funnier when one is familiar with the author and the unfortunate object of his affection. I tell you this, loyal readers, because as we speak an effort is underway to make the "Artifact" publicly available in a number of downloadable formats. As soon as a link is available, I'll give it to you.

Saturday, December 13

Pray That This Deal Goes Through

Roger Clemens to join Pettitte, Oswalt and Miller, this is awesome. Astros win the series?

Men and Fashion

Jimmy Kimmel makes a really funny attack on the manliness of Sports "Guy" Bill Simmons because of his critiques of Kimmel's wardrobe.

You'll have to scroll down the page a little bit.

Friday, December 12

Not Just Kissing Babies

A reader suggests that "[p]erhaps, the answers to [my] dating woes lie in ... politics," like Dennis Kucinich.

[Thanks Holly.]

Unbridled Optimism

How awesome would it be if Andy Pettitte could convince Roger Clemens, another Houston native, to come pitch for the Astros?

Thursday, December 11

Overheard Idiocy

It was just reported to me by a colleague that he overheard one 1L saying to another that the Supreme Court isn't likely to revisit gay marriage because the Court was narrowly divided -- 6 to 5 -- in the Texas Sodomy Cases.

Such a woeful lack of understanding about goverment and constitutional jurisprudence suggests to me that these nimrods are studying at the feet of one Larry Sager.

Trivia Fix

Mental Floss carries a nice daily quiz.

Sporting News

Sweet! The Astros pick up Andy Pettitte from the damned Yankees. And he took $7.5 million less than what NY offered him. This is awesome.

Wednesday, December 10

Damn It, George Will is Brilliant

Will's Questions for the Democratic presidential wannabes are fantastic. Those guys are, well, massive tools.

Too Much Time on Your Hands?

Download Cartman's Authoritah, a freeware Super Mario style video game. It's okay.

Intelligent Life on Earth

Planet Earth, says NASA, supports "potentially intelligent species" like dolphins and humans.

[Thanks Joe.]

Tuesday, December 9

Women Drivers

Breast-feeding driver's story only made stranger by her religious defense.

Monday, December 8

Prostitution and Trivia -- Together in Germany

A Really Smart Hooker just won the Kraut equivalent of Who Wants to be a Millionaire. Maybe this is what the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers need for tomorrow night?

A Real Man

From Maddox: Judge Mathis deserves to be on this list simply because he happens to have the most finely tuned bullshit detector I've ever seen. Nothing gets past him. Sometimes he plays along with someone when he knows they're lying, letting the person build a complex house of contradictions thatched together with bullshit so he can come back and stomp everyone's ass in the court room. Judge Judy, Joe Brown, and 'Texas Justice' Larry Joe have nothing on him. Mathis could chew them up and spit them out like a pile of soggy sausages. He's part Shaft, part Matlock (the non-flaccid, non-geriatric part), and all badass. Hail Mathis. Source

Contact Sports

This Ref is certainly not tough enough to appear in a Steven Seagal movie.

[Thanks Murphy.]

Sunday, December 7

Manny Ramirez Sucks

ESPN's Daily Quickie suggests: "It's just money, and the Red Sox have more than enough of it. Have the 2.7 million Fenway fans each donate $10 at the gate to the 'We Dumped Manny' reimbursement fund. Who wouldn't contribute?"

It would be pretty sweet to see Manny, baseball's laziest star, go to Texas for A-Rod.

Google Deskbar

Add the Google Deskbar to your desktop. It, like everything else from these California nerds, is a wonderful item.

Saturday, December 6

Mayonnaise Rage Update

The Houston woman who really wanted mayo -- so much she would try to kill a McDonald's manager got 10 years. Like I've said, people who like mayo are crazy.

Abercrombie & Your Mom

CBS News reports that Abercrombie -- a store at which I refuse to shop -- routinely gives less attractive employees fewer hours. I guess morons won't buy visors from anyone other than a model.

Refining an Obvious Observation on the NBA

A nice discussion of why the Western Conference is so much better than the East.

Motivation

If you like Despair, Inc. :-(, you should also enjoy this Motivational Poster.

Friday, December 5

Kill Bill

The New Republic's Gregg Easterbrook gives his two cents on Quentin Tarantino's mediocrity.

Political Satire

Never has Charles Krauthammer of the Washington Post sounded funnier to me than in this article on Howard Dean's delusions.

'Foot in Mouth' Award

Donald Rumsfeld was recognized by the Plain English Campaign for the "most baffling Comment a public figure."

The Handi-capable in Norway

I've often thought that This might happen someday in my ward. We have the darndest people.

The Porn Myth

For anyone interested in the article mentioned in the OpinionJournal piece on Maxim I posted yesterday, this is the Naomi Wolf Article on pornography it references.

[Thanks Sorens.]

Eureka!

The power-nap has long been a staple in my life. 10-15 minutes of slumber, lying flat on my back with my arms folded across my chest like the ancient Pharaohs, does wonders for me.

I am thrilled to report therefore that I have found the perfect couches for this needed rest in the 4th floor reserve reading room of the library. The sofas on the south side, facing the stadium, are firm but yielding and long enough for even the tallest person (however, that person must be slender) to stretch out completely without any annoying armrests.

Eight Year Olds, Dude(?)

Eight-year old Michigan boy sentenced to sex offender program. Stigma?

On Men's Magazines

Opinion Journal has a great Article about why Maxim and its clones are for morons and how the only things stupider are the "articles" people "read" Playboy for.

Thursday, December 4

More Lingerie Bowl News

Jim Caple also gives his Top Ten List of things overheard in the locker room.

Lingerie Bowl Update

This blog told you Tuesday about the upcoming Lingerie Bowl. Now, ESPN's Page2 answers burning questions like whether the game will be played on grass, turf or Jello in an Update.

ESPN also tells us a little more about who's in the lineup, and some photos accompany the very readable text.

By the way, updating this blog--as boring as that is--is infinitely more enjoyable than working on my paper. The paper (working title: Model Rule 1.13(c) and its Appropriateness for the Closely Held Company) is the bane of my existence.

Mayonnaise Rage

It is well known that I hate mayonnaise. It is disgusting and just plain wrong. In a bizzare event, my polar opposite ran over a McDonald's employee because she didn't have the condiment on her cheeseburger. Read about it.

Wednesday, December 3

Damn Sport Utes

At last, automakers acknowledged that SUVs pose a danger to cars because of their high bumpers. And they've finally agreed (except for Porsche -- who never should have make an SUV) to make them safer for people in real cars. Now if only we could fix SUV drivers...

iTunes and Other Pay-to-Download Music Services

The Register has an article that people like my friend Mark -- who thinks iTunes is a good business model -- should read. DRM is evil, and the RIAA remains in the business of screwing the artists.

Plus, I think Steve Jobs is a tool.

[Thanks Torry.]

Tuesday, December 2

Dubious Distinctions

Tommorow, Literary Review, a British magazine, will present the Bad Sex Award for the "most inept description of sexual intercourse in a novel."

If you fancy literature, sex, or both, you should enjoy some of the quoted passages in the article. The prose is less artful than George Lucas-written dialogue.

Dodge, Different

Dodge -- makers of the cars and trucks white trash dream of, namely the Viper and the Ram -- is putting together a Lingerie Bowl to air on PayPerView during halftime of the Super Bowl. 7-on-7 tackle football played by models. It sounds really classy.

Politics

OpinionJournal discusses how Bush's spending programs and tarriffs threaten to keep conservative voters home on election day.

Monday, December 1

Personality Test

Complete this BBC Quiz to find out what Simpsons character you match with. Some of the questions are pretty stupid because it's British, but, if you want to waste a few minutes, it's okay.

[Thanks Mark.]

Going Down?

My meditations on the fourth floor of the library were interrupted by a maintenance man. He had the door to one of the elevators open and was calling to someone below "Try to push open the door...wait, try to close it." Apparently, a girl was stuck in the elevator.

Up on four, other students poked their heads up from their carrels confused. One by one, they walked over to take a closer look. The worker informed the trapped library patron that a man from the elevator company was on his way. Then he added, "It's gonna be a while." This last bit drew cautious laughs from those in the vicinity. I hope she didn't hear our glee.

When I left to come home, I took the stairs.

The Curse of Scholarship

Sitting in the library on a clear, cool but not cold fall evening reading about ethics is quite a drag. So many things sound so much better. I realized how much I hate researching and writing my seminar paper when I found myself really enjoying a review of my First Amendment notes this afternoon. Studying for exams is not supposed to be an enjoyable proposition. But compared to writing this paper, it's a trip to Disneyworld.

I hope my salary as a practicing attorney will make this seem worthwhile in retrospect.

Car Chat

My friend Emily recently complained that this Blog is only about what I'm currently reading and not enough of a journal. So let me tell you about my Thanksgiving holiday:

The day Thanksgiving was largely spent in car maintenance, sadly, instead of watching my Longhorns beat up on a weak A&M squad. On the way to my dad's, I lost the tensioning pulley (dealer part, $60) for my AC belt. When that flew off at 70 mph, it dislodged my power steering belt and damaged (but thankfully didn't break) my alternator belt. Hondas are not known for the free space in the engine bay, so it was a tight job.

Plus, I decided to change the PCV valve. It got stuck and attempting to pry it out with a screwdriver (lesson: it's better to quit than to try forcing something) broke the fitting it goes into. That required another trip to the dealer for parts ($15, but unlike the discount auto parts stores, at least you get complimentary Dr Pepper at the dealership). And it is in a really tight space. To reach it, I put the car on jack stands and had to reach, my arm bent, up over the oil filter and under the intake manifold. Naturally, lots of swearing was required before everything came together.

My arm still aches from the ordeal, and my hands are still stained from grease. I washed with gasoline and then Lava soap, but to little avail.

Attention Big-Boned Persons

If you are a bit on the heavy side and looking for some lovin', you don't have to go to Mexico anymore. Beautiful Portland in the enchanting Pacific Northwest would love to have you.

Getting Religion

This was not the reason I went to church as a boy, but it's good to see young people taking an interest in the faith.

Non-Americans are Insane

3000 monkeys in Thailand were treated to a 9-course meal, washed down with Pepsi, because a local man believes they bring good luck.

Unclear is whether people ate the monkeys' brains, a la Temple of Doom.